He came over to Dee and lifted her chin and said " hes a good guy, look after him and he will look after you love" Dee said she would and said she loved me .. That was the first time she said that. Made me feel 100 time better about what I was doing . We dumped all her gear in the garage and I could hear bottles of her perfume smash and other things ....we didn't care !. We got back in my car and headed back to discuss the rest of the plan .Monday evening came and the front door opened . My heart banged, missed a beat and started normally again . Abit like a car with a misfire !. I could not back out now , Dee had put all her faith in me and I could not let her down and If I did at worse I would end up being punished for it by Jenny forever. So, on with the plan... being a chef I made a beautiful meal which was nicely keeping warm in the oven, the table nicely laid with candles and flowers ..the full works! . I greeted Jenny with a big (Fake!) smile and she said "ooh ...something. My favorite fantasy is the one where I meet this hunky guy and we fall in love and I'm sitting in his lap-- maybe with his dick in my ass-- yelling 'FUCK YOU ALL!' as we drive our escape route through town, laughing at the shocked looks on the good folks' faces.When I do leave, I'm pretty sure I'll never want to come back, even to visit my family. Hell, they wouldn't want me to come back if they ever learned what I am. And I think, or at least fantasize, that if I lived in the city, St. Louis, Chicago, (gasp) San Francisco, wherever, I would come out and be able to live an open life. Scary shit to think about, but it's mostly all I think about these days.I might even tell them-- from the safety of great distance-- by letter, or phone, or Christmas card, "Hello Mom, Dad, just thought I'd let you know the reason you were never quite proud of me, the reason I never lived up to your expectations and disappointed you on an everyday basis my whole life, is because I'm a fucking faggot..
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